[07 Apr 2005|08:28am] Ciara - 1, 2 Step Ft Missy Elliot Invalid video URL. Video provided by Videos For sumfun!! post comment

[18 Mar 2005|08:46am] what now? what do you have to say for yourself? post comment

rant #1 [18 Mar 2005|08:20am] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Bonnie McKee~ Trouble ] I just don't understand how someone just can't be so obvious instead of beating around the bush and not say "hey, I really don't think that we can get along as friends" or something in that manner. It's just monotonous when someone just keeps pretending like they're your friend. It just makes things worse. I can tell that you didn't like me but you denied it every single time. I'll do no more for you. At first I thought that you were a REAL person but it turns out that you're nothing more than a "wannabe." I can't stand people who are so damn fake. Yes, you know I'm talking about you, need I even say your name to make it any better/worse? No, you're too good for me to even speak a word of your name. Lies, lies, lies. Tell yourself those, you'll get very very far in life. Sometimes it appears to me that you cling to certain people because it makes you look real and seem like a good person. Sure, you got some brains on your head but you are far from being your own person. Only if you could see it through my eyes, or someone's for that matter... so then you'd see what a big fake-o you are. You complain more than anyone I've ever seen in my life. "I'm going to fail this class because I made a D on a project because I couldn't bring it to school because I was 'sick'." Yeah right. You disgust me now. You just REALLY do. I may disgust you too. But I'm not ever going to say anything to you anymore unless I have to and I'm not ever going to think about befriending you ever again. You dream of unrealistic things. Perfect summers, nobody picking on you, noone ever NOT being an asshole some of the time, getting your "dream hottie," losing a shitload of weight. Yeah like all that's going to happen any day now. I've been waiting, waiting for you to make your move for a long time now. The only reason I asked you about having a threesome was to see how you'd react, that maybe, just maybe, you'd start showing some distance. I'm not bisexual, never have been. Didn't want pussy in the first place. Go ahead, be like everyone else.. tell me that I need a younger man, say that I'm a whore just because I get GREAT cock from a man I love, go ahead and tell me that I need to lose weight, I do but not as much, go ahead tell me, tell me all the stuff you've always wanted to tell me. Yeah, I know, I hate the fact that I spent so much of my time on "Richard" and being depressed. You act like you're so depressed now because you're "oh so fat" and you've got no one. Well the only part that I can sympathize is that you don't have anyone man in your life to make you realize how pretty you are to him but the other stuff, it's your own fault, and it's your life, you can control how you look. I know you're not depressed like I was, you have no clue what I went through. You come off as a caring person, you know that right, well when you get down to the nitty gritty behind the face, you realize that hey all the time it's just "memememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememe" and that's all the matters and whoever wants to challenge that.. holy fuckin' hell, watch out! That's not all but that's all that should be said over this. As for everything else: my dad is being a complete butt again. So what I'm going to do is pack up some of my stuff that I don't use when I'm there, take it to his house, and leave it there. That way I don't have much shit to clean up anyhow. I got rid of most of my clothes. I have a shitload anyhow, I just never wear most. I'm makin' it so that he can't complain and he can't keep me there because I am tired of him having something to bitch at me about and try to keep me home. Yeah, I know, I'm hardly ever there, and the only reason for that is that the fact that I can't stand to be home because of him. He makes almost everything misterable. I'm forced to go to church with him and the rest of the family to a church where my uncle told me that he wanted to fuck my brains out. Really.. really tell me that's being a good parent. I have a phy. appointment on March 29 at like four something and I really don't want them in there with me because I want to be able to act myself and tell that person whatever the hell I want to tell that persona and they can't tell my parents shit becuase that's against the law to do so even if i'm a minor. So haha... screw you dad. It just seems that as life goes on it just starts to suck major ass. Gas is like two dollars, i have a longer drive to work because if i work in Rockwell then I'm liable to go off and hit someone if they dare touch me again or accuse me of something once more. I want to keep my job, I'm not a bad person when it comes to working. I know how to get the job done and I'll get it done but I just don't liek to be bothered. Lately, I've felt that all I've been doing is running, running, running, I NEVER get any sleep anymore, I'm just going to quiet sleeping, it makes everything start all over again. It's just better if it continues. It seems like right when I lay down, I got to get right back up and I'm tired of that shit. I just wish that life could be simpler.. I'm not saying being completely easy but just not what it is right now. Everything is just going down the drain and there's no stopping it so there's no use trying it. This rant is long enough and it's helped me a lot.. toodles. post comment

[17 Mar 2005|09:01am] sorry. bell rung. i'll write more in just a few minutes. btw.. new layout. post comment

[09 Mar 2005|09:23am] I had one of the worstest dreams last night that I've ever had. I was at Arlene's funeral and I didn't know how she died except for the fact that someone made her die. I was just hanging around in some shorts and a shirt. I went out to my parents' truck for something and this not-so-ugly guy came and pushed me into the cab of the truck, locked the door, got in on the driver's side. He started it up, and started driving. He said something to me that I really don't remember. I think it was something sexual but I'm not that sure. I said "no" and he pulled this knife out.. and he's like you better do it or i'll cut you. I didn't do anything but sit there and look at him, at his sparkling blue eyes. The knife was like one that belongs in a kitchen. (Just a hint of background for those that don't know: I have cut myself in three places and those are on the inside of my right ankle, on my left wrist and on my hip.) He cut me to began with on my ankle, right where I used to cut myself. At that point I was really confused, more than I have been in a while. He smiled at me and tried to touch me. I managed not to let him and then he cuts me on my wrist, along the very spot that I did it so many times. He came to a stop and went inside something to get something, I guess. Anyhow, I got out and started to run which made him run after me. Thank God I was faster than him. I got back to the place where I started and I told my parents what happened and they were all like "It's alright, just your imagination." Then I woke up to a phone call from my honey asking me if I was up yet.   I went in my mom's room and fell asleep right beside of her and didn't have to go to first period. Ah how I love it. I've got a shit load to do, so I'll post later.   Brittany Denise. post comment

[03 Mar 2005|10:14am] Sometimes I just can't believe what the world is coming to today. All I ask for mainly in a friend is that they want to truly be my friend and that they don't act so damn fake. I can't stand for someone to act so fake. It's not like you like me so what the hell? Why in the hell do you PRETEND that you're my friend? There's really no use. I see through you. I have only one true best friend that knows every single thing, and yet most people say it's the person that I can least trust, well if so then how come he's helped me out of depression in EVERY manner and is actually making my life HAPPY? Tell me. I just wish you'd tell me. post comment

Today sucks, my job sucks, I just HATE it. [02 Mar 2005|09:16am] My boss called me today when I was going into the parking lot at school. She told me that someone had told her that I was washing dishes without my subway shirt on. WOW! I have violated the law and I am going to die. Who in the world wants to wash dishes and get wet all over and want to wear it all the time? I wouldn't think anyone for that matter, but apparently Mrs. HOLY Sandra thinks that you should so.. GUESS WHAT?!?!?!? I'm going to go look for another job today because there are some people that I hate. Not to say any names. People I hate: Sandra Ethel Bryan Chris Brittany Nell and some others that I don't know names for All of the others (e.g. David, Steph) But that's all for now. post comment

[19 Feb 2005|12:30am] *HAVE YOU KISSED SOMEONE.. 01. On the cheek. 02. On the lips. 03. On their hands or fingers. 04. In my room. 05. In their room. 06. Of the same sex. 07. Of the opposite sex. 09. Younger than me. 10. Older than me. 11. With jet black hair. 12. With curly hair 13. With blonde hair & blue eyes. 14. With flaming red hair. 15. With straight hair. 16. Smaller/shorter than me. 17. Bigger/taller than me. 18. With a lip ring. 19. Who I had just met. 20. Who was homosexual. 21. Who I didn't really want to kiss. 22. On a holiday. 23. Who was going out with someone close to me. 24. Who was my good friend's brother or sister. 25. Who had been/is in jail. 26. In a graveyard. 27. At a show/concert. 28. At the beach. 29. In a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water. 30. Who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with. 31. With dyed hair. 32. With a shaved head. 33. Who was my good friend. 34. Who was/is in a band. 35. Who has tattoos. 36. Who is of a completely different race then me. 37. In the rain. 38. In another continent besides where I was born. 39. With an accent. 40. With an STD. 41. On a boat. 42. In a car/taxi/bus. 43. On a plane. 44. At the circus/carnival. On the ferris wheel. 45. With a missing body part. 46. In the movies. 47. At a Club 48. On your street corner 49. In a bush 50. On a bed this was just for the heck of it. post comment

[18 Feb 2005|12:04am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | nothing, just the sound of the keyboard ] So really Chris hasn't called me at all lately.. which isn't that big of a deal. I'm really behind on my independent novel project and i'm behind on two tests in first and third. I really do want to drop out but I don't think that my parents would really approve of it. I'm going to bed here in just a little bit because of the fact that I have to get up and cook breakfast tomorrow morning and i'm supposed to appear naked.. as well. I may not cook, he may just like the naked part enough.! post comment

What a stressful life I live. [16 Feb 2005|12:17am] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | Enya "Celtic Rain" ] Sometimes I just wonder if I was supposed to be with Ira or not. He's a great guy, and of course I have said this numerous times. Other than that... I got up at like six twenty and began to get ready. I left home early so I could stop by Hardee's on the way to school. Which I did and it was SUPER cool since I'm almost always late. First period was fine as usual, I just hate that my test is going to be tomorrow and I haven't studied worth shit for it. Maybe mom will be super nice and let me skip first, or the whole day as a matter of fact. 2nd period, well I really didn't do shit either. I have to take my test in there (3rd) tomorrow. I just don't wanna do that either. Which is another reason why mom should let me stay out of school. 4th period was very fun today. We were taking this very long note things about Edgar Allan Poe. He's really interesting, I really am starting to like him. Then I went with Ira to the mall and we walked around and ate, then I had to leave because I thought that I had to work and I got called in actually. So.. it worked out well, then I got my schedule, and worked my ass off until 11:22. I hate Subway when Chris isn't there. He called in "sick." I called over to his house and come to find out he's not even there. What a faggot. I'm starting to really not like him. I'm just going to tell him that things are NOT working out. There was also some girl call in at work for him, I really wanted to cuss her out but I was at work and I didn't want anything said about me. I'ma quit ranting and go back to doing whatever.Nighties post comment

Sickening.... [13 Feb 2005|11:19pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | phone ] Man, do I feel sick or what? Jeez... Chris ended up calling me around one or something last night.. maybe a little before one.. and then I was like, I'll deal with this bullshit later because I was talking to Ira on the phone. so he calls me back within 30 minutes and I answer. He's all like "what's up baby" "...nothing " "what's the matter? Something's wrong with you, I know there is so tell me." "No there's nothing wrong." "Yes tell me." "No now leave it." "So whatcha do today?" "Just hung out with a friend around 10 til I had to go to work." "Oh." "And what about this 'I'll call you when we can get together and hang out.' and the 'we REALLY need to hang out and be together.'..what's that all about mister? I receive nothing from you. Not even one of those ' honey, I got stuff to do, you can go back to bed.' Nothing. NOTTA. And you had ALL fucking day to call me and you just NOW call me. Who do you think I am?" "I'm sorry baby. It's all my fault. I should have called you but my little stepbrother came over and I wanted to spend some time with him." "I KNOW you should have called me and it IS your fault." "Please forgive me." "Nah, don't think that I can.. you're just like my ex-boyfriend. I can't handle that shit again. I thought you were someone that I could trust, but apparently I overestimated you." "....." "Well I'm tired goodnight." "goodnight." -click- Okay, then he calls me at like... what.. 10 something and he's all like "How are ya?" "Not so good." "why?" "you gave me your cold" "well I'm sorry" "It's fine." "whatcha do today?" "Nothing much." "Oh, well I better get back to cleaning up the floor before we close." "..." "why aren't you saying anything?" "Because I don't feel well at all." "I'm sorry baby.. I'll call you later." "Please don't, I'm going to... " WHATEVER" -click- I don't want anything to do with him tomorrow, I really don't care to have anything to do with him anymore for that matter of fact. I can't stand a guy who thinks that he's the shit and that other things come before the person you're dating. That person that you're dating is supposed to be important in your life. He says that he can't maintain any g/f because all the ones that he's had has left him because all he does is sleep and work. Well, no, that's not the case, the case is that he doesn't put them in front of friends or anything else, it's just like a side burner thing and most girls don't appreciate that much. I'm done ranting now, I just hate that fucker now. If he even tries to kiss me at work, he's getting slapped in the motherfucking FACE! post comment

man ole man [12 Feb 2005|12:35am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | phone ] I don't know what I should feel I really don't know. I like Ira, I am pretty sure that I love Ira, but I just don't think that some things that happen should happen and I'm not sure whether I should be with him or not. He's so sweet, but there's just something about him that drives me to him but something that pulls me away. I hate the fact that I let myself get into this type of situation. I really think that Chris Bivens is a good person, I really do think that. I like him, I'm supposedly talking to him and I'm supposed to be doing something with him tomorrow morning. I don't know what he might wanna do, he might not even call me. Ira maybe the first to call me. I have to go into work from four until close, which is what I REALLY don't want to do. I want to spend more time with Chris. His kiss is so soft, him against me feels just so warm, and he's just so.. so.. Christoper. There's only really one thing that bothers me. He's kind of like Darren... need I really explain..what it is basically, is that he has been off the past several nights after work with Julian, not to mention is PRETTY cute himself, they've been off partyin' and havin' a grand ol' time. Well, I do like to talk to him before I go to bed, but I'm afraid if I mention anything to him that I will get into the same situation I got into with Josh. The one where he feels like the kid being controlled by his mother.. aka girlfriend. Anyhow.. other than that... life has been a real cram. I'm tired of school, I wish that all I had to do was just work, a job, just work. That would make my life 69.8% more happier and easier as a matter o' fact. I like Chris, I really do, But I like Ira as well. And he was crying last night becuase he was worried about me and I just really don't know if I should break up with him becuase he told me that I was one of the only reasons he gives a damn about life. I just don't think that I could let him go and know that I could be one of the reasons that he had an early death.. Help? 1 comment|post comment

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